IN 1 WEEK I’LL BE ON A PLANE TO NASHVILLE FOR THE 1ST TIME SINCE WE MOVED HERE!!!!!!!!!!! It’s been 2 YEARS already!!!
SO. MUCH. HAS. CHANGED. It will be the exact week we left Nashville in tears of grief and joy, Sunday Nov 11, 2012….after saying goodbye to our Conduit church family at our last TN church service. There were so many emotions, but the vision was SO CLEAR that we never looked back.
God called. We answered. The vision was clear “Sell everything. Move to California. Live on a boat. Share the Gospel.” And then God confirmed it dozens of times over.
We headed west in our Jeep with 2 chihuahuas and the bare essentials. We laid down everything to run with Jesus. We left behind the people, place, “stuff”, career, comforts, security…everything that God had blessed us with. It was the scariest, most amazing, yet most peaceful event of my life to date. So much changed all at once. We were on cloud 9 for the 1st 2 months. It was fun being homeless for a month and figuring out where in California we were going to live. God had a plan, but we didn’t know it but 1 step at a time. Zach’s parole officer made it clear we WOULD BE living in Orange County since that’s where Zach’s immediate relatives lived. That’s the rule, so God used to plant us here. Ultimately God planted us in beautiful Dana Point, right next to the harbor, but not on a boat.
Thennnn…. reality set in, and God had VERY DIFFERENT plans for us (well, He knew all along, we just didn’t forsee it…haha). I completely overwhelmed myself trying to get licensed in CA because I “just knew” I was going to rest for maybe a month and then open another practice. 2 months of “vacation” (rest…let’s be honest, there was VERY LITTLE rest) felt like an eternity! Mama HAD to get back to work….
OH CONTRARE!! I ended up never getting re-licensed in CA, and literally went on sebbatical for OVER A YEAR, resting, healing, “facing my crap”…it was painful, humbling, HARD, SO HARD, SO DARK at times….yet …GOD KNEW BEST. I was spent!! Every health problem I’d ever had came back with a vengeance. I went into a dark depression. For the first time in my life, I battled the lies the the Lord had forgotten about me, that we made some mistake, that I had my seaosn of “bliss’ and it was all over forever. The biggest lie I battled was that I had NO PURPOSE, and I truly believed I could not live without purpose. Hopelessness kills. The warfare raged spiritually, emotionally, physically and maritally. I spent my whole life full speed ahead. I NEEDED REST. I NEEDED HEALING that no one could see on the outside. But I could never allow myself to do it. It seemed lazy, irresponsible, ridiculous…it felt like my healing was taking SO LONG…WHY WAS IT TAKING SO LONG??!!!! HOW were we going to pay our bills without me working?! I was always the bread-winner. I DID NOT like to be “down”. I guess God was actually serious that He needed me to rest. It took me almost a year to realize that this season was a GIFT and not a punishment!
Well, fast forward, 2 years later, I NEEDED THAT REST to be completely re-built. God had the most amazing plans for me, but I needed to be refined. Apparently, He wanted to make me a TOTALLY NEW CREATION. God stripped me of all those things I found my identity in outside of Him. There were MANY. God delivered both Zach and I from alcoholism, He healed our marriage and united us in a way I would not even allow myself to DREAM OF! Yes, those fires burned off a lot of “you know what”. God showed me how HE could provide when it seemed impossible... (I mean hello, He moved us to ORANGE COUNTY…one of THE MOST EXPENSIVE, VAIN…and BEAUTIFUL places to live in the U.S.!!) He healed me on a level I didn’t know I needed. It taught me so much, which now spills over into the ministry God has called me to today. The way I “practice” looks completely different than before. He downloaded supernatural wisdom that daily humbles me. He has given me Authority in areas I am humbled to have, gave me territory to boldly proclaim His love & gospel message that doesn’t even make sense!! ALL GLORY to Him alone. When it was time to go back to work full-time in April 2013…BOOOM! It was quick! Doors flew open, anointing was released. Satan’s power was CRUSHED! All that heaviness miraculously lifted. Years of bitterness GONE. The POWER OF GOD was released in our life like never before. Apparently, we were now ready for His next set of plans for us… We have only begun to scratch the surface of what God wants to do with us here….but I can assure you GOD IS ALIVE AND KNOWS WHAT HE IS DOING. WHY HE CHOSE US, I HAVE NO IDEA. But we are ALL IN for Jesus!!
We wouldn’t change ANY of it!! We know we are exactly where we are supposed to be, and we see God’s provision! We know if we are supposed to live on a boat someday that HE WILL PROVIDE a boat, the timing, the location, etc. Until then, we are content. I have never experienced such PEACE, joy and freedom before in my life!! I have never found my husband more attractive as I do now. I now respect and trust Him and feel “ONE” with Him like never before. We are both in our proper places, in Godly order in our marriage. I feel so grounded in Christ simply because we took a chance. I see His power on a daily basis. We experience so much grace knowing we are not perfect and that God always gets us back on track as we navigate these waters of ministry and life. We GAVE HIM the chance to show off and do miracles and HE HAS BLOWN OUR MINDS!!…All He wants is a willing heart and He will use us in WAYS WE CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE! I encourage anyone whose read this far…let go. say yes. Trust. You will never regret it. THIS is where the peace that surpasses all understanding comes from. This is what everyone wants, but often isn’t brave enough to simply surrender to the process.
IT. IS. WORTH. IT. and will always be.